Robert Kelly (2017)

That was a great whale joke. Fucking bravo, great whale joke

You're the worst fans in the world. Love you. But not that hard

No. That's a homerun you cock sucka

Everybody knows I can't dodge anything

That's mean and hurtful

I just spit my water out

Not anymore

Okay I am on my 7th fat, I have moved directly from the 6th. I did not go back down to the 5 skinny, I most directly to 7. I have 8 in me, only 1 to go

First of all, no. Second of all, I only have 3 comics on - 3 limit.

They're not open mics, they're middlers

I knew this was a bad idea but #2, a lebanese house maiden

Johnny Knoxville, cause I know his dick's broken

I broke my knee dude

See above

I really wanna laugh at that reference but I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. #gofuckyourmother #loveyou

Fb fans are awesome, reddit fans are trolls with different names. I get it, it's a moon joke. I'm as big as a planet, I get it

Both

This is too wordy, I don't even know what this means. Stop trying to get your point of view out there, just ask fun questions

Your wish is granted. Yes

Now I'm going to get a sandwich

I love Artie I would never say that to him. Keep all the mean shit to me you piece of gaaaarbage

First off, how do you spell magnesium. But if I were to guess approximately 3100 degrees celsius

It produces intense white bright light when it burns

Stop with the fucking, stop getting real, don't make statements. Either be funny or fuck yourself

I broke my knee dude, it's doing fine

The right sink

Bonnie MacFarlene is one of the funniest comedians I know. Idiot. Yamaneika, who happens to be on the Nasty Show from the 19-29 - for tickets go to hahaha.com is hilarious, crazy funny.
Michelle Woolf is good. And Judy Gold is good

You're too wordy. Have someone punch that up and get back, there's something there

That was actually me, I had just gone back to Aruba

Patrice cause he's dead

I get it it's a whale joke but too hacky, try harder

You're welcome. It kills me to say you're welcome. He's the #1 show on Riotcast. Sex, Drugs & Rock and Roll got cancelled, that's why I'm doing this

Yes unfortunately I have, it would have to be dinner then chinese

It's called the no sugar no grain diet unless you're at an airport in which case you can only eat sugar and grain

No, absolutely not

I hope your fat wife dies. No I'm sorry, scratch that, I hope your whole family dies

That was too intelligent of a joke for me, dumb it down stupid

He said so many mean things. He's called me a fat lesbian, I dunno there's too many mean things to come up with

Good question.

Fuck Dan, marry Joe kill Luis even though he's got really great lips

If it was kiss marry fuck kill I'd kiss luis

Yeah I was being sarcastic you literal ass. One question per douchebag

Lie - eggs whites with orange slices

Truth - two eggs sandwiches and a cuban cigar

I don't know man, that's a good one. Probably Big Jay he's fucking disgusting

I don't know what that was, that was so weird

Hold my hand dude

Bonnie was dating Nathan Fillion from Castle and Firefly, and she dumped him and ended up marrying Vos. I put up a photo on the big screen of Fillion and read his credits. Firefly, Guardians of the Galaxy and a network ABC show with 170 episodes, 100,000 an episode

Then I read Vos' that started with Maxwell's and Poughkeepsie - what a bad choice she made

I think I already am. I look very similar right now. Just paint me green and take my clothes off

Oh when I had the coke bottle stuck in my ass. No I've never used a coke bottle

Stogies, over on rue and crescent. Love that place. Love Dunn's too, and the Hyatt, the 19th to the 29th. Go to hahaha.com for tickets

When we had my kid, you have to change the diaper and it's either shit or piss and the shit is awful. We played shit roulette my wife and I, I got pee 6 times in a row. The next time, it was pee again and I was stoked. Then he immediately shat everywhere, threw up on me, then with my mouth open he peed in my mouth

My wife then peed her pants. True story