Gilbert Gottfried (2016)

They contacted me to say, "Stop hanging around here unless you're going to buy something."

I did do a thing, you can find it on the internet where I read 50 Shades of Grey. Its not the entire book of course but it's something that gets your horny I'm certain.

That's a tough one to answer since I hate them all.

I'll definitely do another roast. Any chance I have to hurt another human being I jump at.

CONSTANTLY. That's what I try not to talk to myself.

They fired me, got loads of free publicity. Then hired a sound alike for less money thus bringing closure to a horrible tragedy.

The makers of Aladdin were very open to have me improvise. They gave me a lot of freedom but often they would have to stop and go "Gilbert, this is a family film"

Well I did an episode of Family Guy, when I voiced a horse so I'm actually starting to branch out now.

I don't really have an answer one way or another on that way. I certainly enjoyed all my appearances on Stern, but I don't really know.

I wasn't surprised at that, what surprised me was afterwards I did the Aristocrats joke about incest and bestiality. So terrorists, bad - incest and bestiality, good!?

Wow, I think it was like in a basement of a church of all things. They were trying to make it into a coffee club. I think I got $7 and then I had a second gig at the same place where it was reduced to $5.

Oh god, let me think...

The earliest I could remember is when I was a kid and we would go to the music park they'd give you a card with circles in it that they punched out.

If they missed the circle, I would put my finger/thumb where the hole was and got extra rides that way.

Oh god there's so many of them. I remember one time they made me up and dressed me as Dracula and sent me out on the street to ask black people if they thought OJ was guilty. It was frightening at times, not gonna lie. The reactions were any way someone would act if someone asked them about the OJ Simpson trial.

I can't figure that one out myself what's going on. But I guess I'll book myself Crazy Jim and Captain Bob for the Morning Zoo instead.

I'm still pretty heartbroken about it but I haven't given up on him.

That was a surprise, he came over and said Hello to me. I made some kind of remark "Oh I didn't think you'd want to say hi to me" and he said "Well why not, you're one of the brick in this world.' Which I thought was very nice.

I did touch Markie Post and that's when they stopped using me. I touch Markie Post but not as much as I touched Harry Anderson.

There were a lot of times most of the time when you are dealing with children in movies. With all actors they have stand-ins, so that the actor doesn't have to be in each shot.

Usually with kids, they use a midget as a stand-in. I wasn't aware of this until a scene opened and there was a group of nuns and a midget walked out where the Problem Child was supposed to be. It was like a Fellini film.

Oh that's a tough one. Let's see, Frankenstein. Bride of Frankenstein, Wolfman, Dracula and Alberrt & Costello meet Frankenstein.

My experience on celebrity apprentice it was much harder work than I thought it should be. I didn't get into this business to work for a living. I would definitely vote for him if he could assure me I'd have a separate bedroom at the White House.

(Laughs) I'm still trying to decipher what he was saying to me!

That would be good, certainly. But God knows. I haven't heard of any talk about it, I dont know if the world is clamoring for it.

With the kid from Problem Child, I don't believe in drinking with him so we just go out and get crystal meth.

I never anticipated that anybody would ever listen to the podcast, that's why it's still a shock to me about how much they love it.

That's something Stern likes to say, as long as they keep paying me to be in show business, I'm sticking with it.

Whichever is the most current and which ever one they're currently paying me for.

That was exciting. My character was trying to get Zach and Screech to be male prostitutes. I'm not making this one up.

I dont know the last I saw of him he was going into a room with a dirty magazine and locking the door.

Nobody seems to have seen Problem Child 3 which was made for TV, not that they really should. But that bugs me.

Im usually the last one to know, usually when it's towards the end of the week I find out. I have nothing to do when it actually airs. Probably March 7th.

Well, one day I'll reveal my days with Steve McQueen and what caused the split it, but I'm not strong enough to do it now.

Watch everything I do and then do the opposite.

That was pretty amazing, I was a fire detector. I can actually say I got to act with Lindsay Lohan. I'm actually the one who got her on drugs to be honest.

Uh no. It was right as the original cast and crew left. It was like in the Beatlemania, if you replaced John, Paul, George and Ringo with 4 other schmucks.

Uh no, there's still a lawsuit having to do with that one.

At that point after the 9/11 joke. I lost the joke so badly that I figure I had nothing further to lose with the Aristocrats.

It's funny. I hear loads of stories when Robin Williams and Gilbert Gottfried were together what craziness was going on. But I never ran into him once while making the movie. I got on stage a number of times to improvise. The times we were onstage together were invigorating and exhausting at the same time.

Uh when I was 2 years old this is what my voice sounded like, but it was a lot more gravelly.

The pizza I was getting hit with. The pizza crust was made of a hard rubber. It was like getting hit with a boot.

I'm pulling something but it's not a con.

The hardest thing about doing comedy and being an actor is that when I act in a dramatic scene is when I get the biggest laughs.

(chuckle) I think that's a sensitive question and I don't feel that this is the platform to answer it.

I don't know, I'm sure they're dead already. There are loads of people, I'd be afraid to mention of them cause I'd jinx any chance I had of getting them anyway.

Um. What situation are we talking about here? Did anything happen with him?

Ballet. I'm quite graceful.

Yes we've hooked a number of time in a motel somewhere in Jersey, I think right by the airport.

Yes we've hooked a number of time in a motel somewhere in Jersey, I think right by the airport.

I just on my podcast, I recommended Dr. Butcher M.D. (Medical Deviant), it was directed by a guy who called himself Al Martin. But his real name is Alluncio Martinelli or something like that.

The guy who sold rolls down the street.

Constantly!

I have one, but I can't say it right now. It insults another person so I don't want to mention here.