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This has been quite an experience. I've enjoyed it so much I'm going to take a break and come back to it at 5pmPST/8pmEST. Thank you Reddit. I look forward to answering more questions and connecting with you.
After 10 years in the personal development and coaching business, I realized there was a missing piece in the land of self-help and personal transformation. The genre was full of cozy bullsht. The questions from my coaching clients and people I encountered always brought me back to one issue, personal responsibility. So, I wrote Unfuck Yourself. It's not a warm fuzzy cuddle or a pat on the head filled with life affirmations. It's a straight up manual to getting unfu*ked and living your life powerfully. This book will only manifest sparkle and kittens for you if that is what you are committed to and you take responsibility for it. The feedback I've received since it's launch on Tuesday has been overwhelming.
My commitment is that I make a difference in the lives of every person I encounter. I am about people being in action toward their best selves.
I'm from Glasgow, Scottland and currently live in the States.
This is my first time on Reddit and I'm humbled to be a part of the community today.
Link to the book available on Amazon:
My personal website and Facebook also offer quotes and I do live videos to connect with followers and answer questions.
What do you personally do, as far as self talk, when you find yourself in a destructive pattern or doing something that is outside of what you're about?
I'm a Sartre existentialist at heart. I am continually observing my shit. I observe the observer. I can't stop those shitty thoughts and emotions but I sure as hell can intervene with them in my actions. I make promises to myself about what I'm going to do and I keep those promises regardless of how I feel/think at the time. I'm constantly breaking up my default shit.
Relationship books are a bit of an addiction of mine. It will be interesting to get your take on that aspect of life.
The problem with relationships is that they include people. As soon as you put people into something it starts to become about them, their needs, their wants, their rights. The best we can hope for is that we find someone who agrees with all of out shit so that we can agree on shit. I take an entirely different approach.
What are the most common ways lives are fucked ?
We become cemented by certain conclusions we've come to about ourselves, others and life itself. We're all stuck in our own little matrix of bullshit except it's very real for us. There's no experience of, "holy shit the cat just flickered", no it's more like "Life's fckd" or "I'm fckd" or "my job sucks" or some other constant that we get stuck in.
That industry needs another view. What gave you the 'Ah ha' to take a different approach? I know in the current book, it feels like you're sitting in the room, just disassembling my life. Do you feel like this is an approach that gets better results?
I think people are tired of looking at their life in a fcking lab of concepts and abstractions. What makes a difference (I feel), is when you can make it real and have people inject real change in their lives.
Are you successful in your own life besides being a motivator, or do you just teach other people to be successful?
If by success you mean financial then I pay my mortgage, drive a car, have three kids in school, my wife (mostly) likes me. Shit yeah, I'm successful. I've also traveled the world coaching about 20,000 people to live a life beyond their dreams...I'll leave it up to you guys to decide which one you think merits the success tag.
Do you think the mindset can be rewired to observe these things instead of defaulting?
I haven't noticed any diminution of the BS but at the same time, I feel I have gotten pretty damn good at seeing for what it is, sidestepping it and taking the kind of actions that are more aligned with the life I'm after. The deal is, you have a lot of shitty noise in your head, sometimes more than others, it's part of being a human being. If you can manage breathing, eating, making your life work then you can manage the background noise.
has the feedback been mostly positive?
So far, yes. It's been remarkable really. I only wanted to produce something that people could pick up, take a look at and say, "fck yeah" and take an action they didn't think they could. No offence but yoga pants, oils and unleashing my inner dolphin just does nothing for me.
What role do you think feelings play in our day to day lives if we are focused on action instead of emotion?
Feelings are important, certainly not to be ignored but jeez we have swung the pendulum much too far in the opposite direction. Remember, you're a fcking machine of emotional states that sometimes take you over even though you'd rather they didn't. To then use those states as some kind of compass for your life is...well... uncertain at best.
I got the book. Wow. Will you be writing another?
Firstly thank you for asking the question and buying the book. Yes!! I am currently working on it. It's all about relationships and why we keep fcking them up. Should be out next year.
I want to say, I've only just begun to read your book and I'm already hooked on its energy. No bullshit indeed. Just a firm and honest voice that says, "Here you go. Here's your problem. It's all on you." No sales pitch or hokey garbage, but rather an impassioned voice telling me everything I never wanted to admit to myself about my personal responsibility to make life what I want it to be. I didn't think I could be so excited to have my worldview smashed to bits.
And a question. How much does the content of this book draw from your learning and experience with Landmark? Does it align pretty closely with The Forum's curriculum? I'm attending a course next month, and from what little I know about it, your book seems like a good launch pad for the brain re-training to come.
Thanks for your time. And thank you a million times for this book.
Thanks. I don't think it overtly clashes with Landmarks approach but there are some differences. I think people, if given time to get over their initial reaction, react best when provoked by something; be it an opinion or theory or point of view. My passion is delivering an idea to someone, "down in the dirt" where they can wrestle with it and have it change their life or their behavior or their results.
Superb book, I have sent it to 10 of my friends and ordering another 10 today to share. Question I have is will you being doing an audio version? Or even portion of it in audio?
I am certainly considering it. For those that do not know me, if you read this to yourself with a Scottish accent you'll get a sense of what I sound like. It's becoming increasingly apparent that people are drawn to the idea of being told to Unfuck themselves by Shrek.