Aziz Ansari (2015)

I just texted him. He said he's watching Bloodline and to leave him alone.

I want to play Bishop in the X-Men. I just love how frustrated he gets in the Fox X-Men Animated Series when he ends up in the wrong time.

Damn that's a DEEP reference! I barely remember that bit, what was that on??

My dad plays my dad and he's pretty amazing.

Easy. I'd go in to try to save them all but realize I couldn't, and then Lil Sebastian would save us all.

DUDE LET'S DUDE THIS. ARE YOU DIRECTING X-MEN MOVIES BY CHANCE?

Ok, here we go:
Adam Scott as Gambit...
Nick Offerman as Wolverine....
Retta as Storm...
I'll let you guys take the rest.

What's crazy is this is a joke of mine you're quoting and I forgot the answer.

This happens a lot. Sometimes people say random things to me on the street, that are kind of obscure Aziz references, and I have no idea why they said it.

Example:
Stranger: "Hey off to go sell baby tuxedos?"
Me: "Huh?"
Stranger: "I said, are you off to go sell baby tuxedos!?"
Me: "No...?"
Stranger: "Dude you said that in Parks and Rec."
Me: "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I forgot."

Stranger walks off confused and disappointed.

One time at some old theatre somewhere I was holding a dude's phone to read his text messages and it slipped from my hand and fell through a crack in the floor and went into some deep, deep basement and broke. (I bought him a new phone).

That one was pretty amazing. Is that the "texty" introduce yourself person? Cause that's in the book. If someone has the book, post the pic of that page up, that one is pretty ridiculous.

One time we had Panera Bread Co for lunch and I was curious why of all the places someone chose Panera. It was Jim O'Heir aka Jerry. He kept begging for Panera even though the rest of the cast did not want it. They got the Panera for him. He ended up wrapping early that day and didn't get to eat it.

New TV series. 10 eps. You'll dig it.

Less time in front of screens, more time in front of people.

Well, one thing I wanted to do with this book was not make it a "how to get laid" book for guys or a "this how you lock a man down" book for women. It's really trying to go for more of an attitude of - this is what EVERYONE is sort of dealing with. As far as how to decide when it's game playing or not, I feel at a certain extent you just call it a loss and move on OR do that thing I know some people do where they just try to be honest and find out what's really going on. Side note: I'm going to eat pizza later and I can't wait to eat it.

Slight pink tint.

Mario - Let Me Love You

Talking to the women in the retirement homes was really interesting. A lot of them talked about living at home with their parents when they were 20 and having no options as far as their lifestyle. They couldn't go to college, have their own careers, etc. So they basically said they got married to get out of the house and have basic adult freedoms. It made me think about how lucky all of us are to now have the "emerging adulthood" phase where you basically just have a chunk of time to dick around and have fun as an adult and not live at home. That kind of independence was something a lot of these women yearned for and didn't get.

This is in the book man! Check it:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CHvSbOlUAAApQX9.jpg

Once this girl had a convo that had her really booty calling a dude late night saying all this sexual stuff, but her icon was Channing Tatum, so it made it really hilarious to see on her phone. It looked like Channing Tatum was texting and saying "When are you going to come over and feel my titties."

Thank you for your kind words. As far as underrated, etc. I try not to get into that mindset, it just leads you to coming off bitter and grumpy. I try to make new things that people will get excited about, right now it'd be the Netflix show i'm working on, which I think might my favorite thing I've worked on.

Sincerely,

Some brown guy from South Carolina

Pratt is just as awesome as you'd hope. As far as my input into Tom, they took elements of all our real personalities and amped em up on Parks. Nick Offerman really does woodwork. I do like suits, silly rap music, etc. That said everyone is "different" from their characters of course.

This new Netflix show I'm working on has been a dream. I've never written and directed and acted in something. It's hard but it's also so rewarding and great for telling really personal stories and ideas.

The other job I'd like is "pasta opinion coordinator," this is where I eat pasta and share my opinions on it with whoever I'm around.

Harris is good, much older now. He's also JACKED. He got really into the Indian dude gym scene (this is a thing for real).

I became really familiar with the That's So Raven theme song because of my friend Fabrice Fabrice who'd always use it as his intro music when we did shows.

That's great to hear. I'm glad you enjoyed Parks. We loved making it. And yes, Bob's Burgers is fun. I've known Jon Benjamin, Schaal, Eugene, etc. for a long time so it's fun working with them. And the team at Bob's are so kind to Darryl and give me great stuff to work with. I was so psyched when we did that T2 homage.

For some reason, Nick carrying me was a fun go to. I miss him and being in his arms very much. If you're into that, in my new show, Eric Wareheim (Arnold) lifts me up a lot.

The reaction to the Harris email was everyone thought it was funny and a few people had to sit him down and have a chat with him, but they thought it was funny too.

It's all good. I miss Harris a lot.

Just turn on the sites/app and you'll probably see a shit ton of people or you won't. Either way - argument over.

Most of what's on Parks is written but occasionally we improvised stuff. I improvised some of the stuff in that chicky chicky parm parm run. Some of Tom's business ideas maybe? Jean Ralphio and I improvised stuff too. What is my fast food? I own Long John Silver's.

Thanks so much! I want to work on standup again after I finish editing the show. It's also helpful for coming up with storylines for the show so definitely will continue the standup.

Pasta

Nah, that's okay. Plus, wedding food is usually bad. This is a bad offer on many levels.

I am pretty quiet!

This was elementary school, but once I fell from a swing when I was a little kid cause some bigger kid named Forrest was pushing me too hard. He had me going way too high and the chains got loose and I fell, and I landed on my head really hard. Forrest came up and said, "Are you okay?" and I said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK ASSHOLE?" But it wasn't Forrest, it was a nice teacher named Mrs. O'Tuel. Cause I was a kid, I was dumb, and never even cleared that up with her. Oh well.

Oh my. I have bad news. You may want to sit down and just listen to this song friend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-PUW6y4F6c

He's not my favorite but my brother is super into wrestling and a lot of times I get bored and just randomly send him photos of GLACIER from the WCW.

Pasta

PASTA