Colin Quinn (2015)

Sir, my career is not over. And to state that it is well, that's really inappropriate on this forum. In fact, I'd like to stab you repeatedly.

I was thrilled to be included in the bottom six of the Rolling Stone list of SNL cast members. Thanks for reminding me.

No but I bet Paul Hogan does.

My favorite band is the Beatles. I thought they had some great songs especially from 1963 to 1970.

My advice is when you move to a new area, put a rolled up newspaper under your shirt, knock on your neighbors doors and when they open it let them see the bulge under your shirt and tell them "this is what's up now". Then wink and snap your fingers and walk away.

I keep twitter fresh by following some of the latest events in the news. For example, I understand there's a big NCAA bracket. I haven't lost yet. So people look to me for leadership in that regard.

Tough Crowd would be great especially with all the new comedians around but I'm not going to do it myself because it looks like Im a one trick pony which I am but...

No my legs were not burned as a kid. They just happen to be unnervingly thin. Paul Newman had skinny legs but nobody busted his balls.

Unconstitutional will be a special soon. Where or when I don't know. If worse comes to worse I will release it on Reddit.

Because I'm a rude entitled ass.

I don't know what constitutes a "genius" but Norm Macdonald is as funny and brilliant as anyone in comedy that's a given. If anyone is a genius he would fall into that category, though. I would have him on the show in a heartbeat.

I like to read funny books. I said Confederacy already but Don Quixote is funny and Lolita is funny. Just read Richard Price The Whites (not funny) but it was great.

Carlin or Pryor is impossible to answer. Like asking if I prefer Sunni or Shiite. They both have such amazing insights and their messages resonate with me.

Jerry is broke. So he's going through a weird time right now.

I always felt that Marion had more of a Bobby the Brain Heenan hairdo in that it never really moves.

I would say read a Confederacy of Dunces. It's the funniest book ever IMHO and I tried to get Patrice to read it but of course he just looked at me like I asked him to lend me money.

Tell your life stories and add the jokes in. You will be original. All you have in stand up is you and the way you view things.

I'm actually doing a sitcom coming out soon. It's about a man who moves into an ant colony and all the drama that occurs because of the culture and lifestyle clashes that you would imagine.

People do ask you to tell jokes when you are a comedian. They are either dumb or hostile. Or dumb and hostile. I usually just assume they mean well but are dumb. But when you tell them a joke they don't laugh which is infuriating.

I think comedians dating other comedians is great. But not if one is a hack and one is good. Or if they have a kid who's a hack.

I felt they were uncalled for and out of line. But what can you do. Some people are gonna be like that. Taylor Swift says it best.

In The Heat of The Night, On the Waterfront, Millers Crossing, The Roaring Twenties, Midnight Cowboy, The Heartbreak Kid (the original)
and more..

Dostoyevsky. I guess. That's a tough one. It's like the Carlin and Pryor question.

My book is Coloring Book it's out in June.

I see. Well you weren't around in the early 90's. I was cutting edge.I picked that outfit out myself and I wish I looked like that now.

It's not Occupation Foole. That had some good moments but Class Clown was a monster! It allowed millions of Irish Catholics to laugh at their trauma. Now it's a given but that was the first really funny reflection of American Catholic childhood.

No my book is not a serious treatise on race. It's just my life experience with all the various ethnicities in New York. But it's more of a cultural anthropology written by a man who's too important to do research.

I will shut down my twitter account when everyone else that says insipid and boring things does.