Ryan Bell is a Canadian basketball player from Orleans, Ontario. Bell is a guard and has played for Espoon Honka in Finland. Bell has won four national championships as a member of Carleton University Ravens, winning in 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007. He studied sociology at Carleton University. Before Carleton, Bell attended Colonel By Secondary School. Bell joined the Canada national men's basketball team in 2006. He represented Canada at the 2007 Pan American Games and the FIBA Americas Championship 2007. Canada's team at the 2007 Pan American Games included his fellow Carleton team mates Osvaldo Jeanty and Aaron Doornekamp along with Assistant Coach Dave Smart.
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» All Basketball Player InterviewsMy short bio:
Hi, my name is Ryan Bell, the pastor that lived a year as an atheist, blogged about it the whole year, and I now consider myself a humanist and atheist.
Two filmmakers are currently running an IndieGoGo to fund the documentary on me:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/a-year-without-god-the-documentary
Trailer:
Twitter: @YearWithoutGod
Facebook: Facebook.com/YearWithoutGod
My Proof:
https://twitter.com/ryanjbell/status/559843425822842880
http://www.npr.org/2014/12/27/373298310/after-year-of-atheism-former-pastor-i-dont-think-god-exists
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuZA0StayBE
Edit:
Taking a break for tonight but will be back in the morning to answer any more questions you guys have. You guys have been great thanks for all the good questions!
Right Shark or Left Shark?
Left Shark
What was the tipping point? I mean, I'm sure it was a long journey, but was there a specific moment, book, person, that led you to finally decide you were an atheist?
It really was gradual. I think the tipping point for me was realizing that the Bible really was anti-LGBT. That undermined the authority of scripture. From there, I had to wonder if the whole thing was human-made.
Why do you think so many people on both sides seemed so determined to misunderstand your experiment?
It's threatening. I think the harder position is Freethinking. Atheism can be as absolutist as Christianity. Not necessarily so, but it can be. But Freethinking is hard. It requires that you constantly evaluate what you think you know. So my experiment was threatening to people on both sides. But I think once the atheist community saw that I was being sincere they accepted what I was doing even though many of them would have worded it differently. Heck, I might word it differently now.
It's threatening. I think the harder position is Freethinking. Atheism can be as absolutist as Christianity. Not necessarily so, but it can be. But Freethinking is hard. It requires that you constantly evaluate what you think you know. So my experiment was threatening to people on both sides. But I think once the atheist community saw that I was being sincere they accepted what I was doing even though many of them would have worded it differently. Heck, I might word it differently now.
Do you wish you had lived your life differently all these years?
Sometimes I do. Especially vocationally, I wish I had taken a different course in college and picked a different career. It's hard to make a mid-life career change. On the other hand, I don't regret the time I've spent. I tried my best to focus on helping people and communities and not dogma.
How are things going with your family and your former religious community?
Family is good. They are being very supportive although I know they are having a hard time with it, too. I'll be visiting my grandma again this weekend.
How did people react when you came up with this idea of living a year without god?
It was mixed. People on both sides were skeptical, as they should be. Quite a few thought I was faking or using the atheist community to advance myself.
What was the strongest emotional battle you had in this year?
Great question! I think loneliness. Losing friends and my whole support structure. Like it or not, pastors thrive on approval from their members and followers. Loosing all that, along with my family and many of my friends was very hard. Also the idea of God being there was emotionally hard.
Cue "Say Something"
Has your view of Christians changed? If you were to attend a church service, would you roll your eyes, feel frustrated, angry, or right at home?
This is hard to answer. I think I would roll my eyes more now, for sure. Frustrated, YES! But I also know that people who believe are not "stupid" or "ignorant" the way that many atheists assume they are. They are very intelligent people, often, who have a belief system that was hard wired into them from birth. I have a great deal of compassion for people in that position. I was in that position.
What was the scariest part of your year?
The scariest part was definitely not having work and running out of money.
What does the SDA church need to do to move forward in 2015?
I don't think the SDA church can move forward as long as it is committed to a fundamentalist view of scripture and hierarchical structure.
What advice would you have for other Pastors who are questioning the existence of God but afraid to walk away from the only livelihood/life they've ever known?
First of all, contact the Clergy Project. Then make a plan to do something else for a living. Go back to school. Learn a trade. Do something to create and exit plan. I could never manage to stay in the pulpit if I genuinely didn't believe in god.
Have you been surprised at the intensity of the vitriol displayed by some (apparent) Christians? I've seen some pretty nasty comments directed toward you online.
I should be surprised, but I am sometimes. I always wonder what they hope it will accomplish. I think that sort of vitriol and anger doesn't serve anyone, atheist or theist. I'm also not a huge advocate for that sort of frontal attack toward Christians.
One of the things I've noticed after watching a few debates between pastors and atheists is that - by virtue of having to deliver regular sermons - pastors tend to be better prepared and better at communicating with an audience.
Are there things atheists can do to overcome this disadvantage in your opinion?
Thanks.
I think perhaps spend some times learning those skills. I think that's actually a great point and something I haven't thought a lot about. It think I could actually teach some fairly simple things along this line.
I had a friend ask me on learning that I was atheist, "Doesn't that make you lonely?"
So my answer was "That's why atheists have family and make friends too."
I remember saying to my now friend Emery, don't you still sometimes feel like there is something outside yourself. Something "out there" that is beyond yourself. His answer was as profound as it was simple--"Yes, OTHER PEOPLE!"
Nearly every church I have been to has had, on multiple occasions, had a pastor who "heard from God."
While you were a pastor, did you also make such claims?
If so, what is your perspective on that after your time as an atheist?
I never made claims like that because I never "heard" anything more than a hunch. The only time I've every claimed to have heard from God it was a conviction about something I should do. That's the only way to approach that sort of thing, I think. Otherwise people are just trying to claim the moral high ground.
The only exception I can think of is when there was something in the Bible that was already accepted as being "the word of God."
If a close friend said they wanted to go to seminary and then into ministry, and they asked your advice, what would say?
Ugh, that's a hard one. It's hard for people to learn things before they're ready to learn them. I think I would ask them to at least read one story of someone who left. Maybe Jerry DeWitt's book. Maybe mine, if I ever write it.
Do you think you could return to believing in god?
I guess if there was some evidence I could, yes. But I don't think you can un-see things. The more we learn about science the more we don't need God to explain things.
Ryan, I have also been following your journey from the beginning. I had come to the point of questioning and doubting my own faith when your first blog post came across my news feed. It inspired me to take my own year without god. Are you surprised that your journey has inspired so many people?
I have been very surprised. Some have said, "you're not the first, why is this a big deal?" The only answer I can come up with is that it is because I'm not the only one that it has become so popular. Most people go through this privately. I had no idea that it would cause such a stir but I think it's because SO MANY people can relate.
I just can't understand how Christians look past the horrible atrocities in the bible (rape, murder, slavery, etc)...how as a pastor do you handle and teach these things?
Great questions. When it came to the genocides commanded by God in the Old Testament I usually claimed that these were what people thought God was telling them. This doesn't fly in a conservative environment, though. This is part of why I was asked to resign. I wasn't going to defend genocide.
When did you have your first beer? Prior to leaving or after leaving the SDA church?
Mmm beeeer.
Prior!
Why do you think bacon is so much harder to swallow?
LOL
What would you most like to see come out of the atheist community?
I think I'd like to see them focus more on forethought and less on atheism. It think people will become atheists all on their own. I think the skeptical community is doing a good job of challenging bogus ideas that are really dangerous.
Hey Ryan, I've been following your story since it started. I've had an exodus from the church of my own, so your story is very relatable.
First of all, I'd just like to complement you on how mature you've handled this transition. My transition was very frustrating, and I wish I could have handled it better in the face of such ignorant and hurtful comments I received from the countless Christians in my life. You had the spotlight shining on you during this difficult transition time, and you handled it very well.
Second, I'd like to know what are some of the atheist/humanist reading material you've encountered since the beginning of your atheist-journey that you'd say really has opened your eyes on anything in particular?
Third, was there any atheist reading material you read while you were a Christian? Or did you wall yourself off from those sorts of influences during your Christian life?
Thanks!
I read Dawkins, God Delusion, and Hitchens, God Is Not Great, while I was still a pastor. I read it through the lenses of someone who still believes.
As for people I've read in the atheist/humanist world this year, I'd say a huge help for me was Gretta Vosper's book, With Or Without God. Also, Caught in the Pulpit was very relatable for me having been a pastor. Also a little of Ingersoll that I've been able to read has been amazing.
You come across as a very thoughtful and reflective person. Was that something that developed over the years or did it begin the journey to being a pastor in the first place?
I have always been a reflective person. I think if I wasn't religious I would have studied philosophy. I have always been interested in the big question of our existence. I've never been satisfied with the typical answers. Sometimes I think my life would have been easier if I was more content with the status quo.
What are your thoughts on death now? Do you find yourself doing the up all night thinking about not existing thing now? Had you ever when you believed in God?
Death is terrifying for most people. But for all of time before September 26, 1971 I didn't exist either and I wasn't worried about it at all. I don't like the idea of dying. I don't think anyone does. But given that we age, I don't really like the idea of living much past 90 or 100 years of age either.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Huma...wait!
How can people who do not believe in God help people with extremely Christian based vantage points become more accepting/tolerant of things that are not commonly accepted in religon?
I think the best way is to appeal to people's stories. Conservative Christians are against gay people until it's their son or daughter. Even then some people are against their own kids. I'm not sure how to help those people. That just seems inhuman to me.
Concerning Seventh-day Adventism. Regardless of whether or not the bible is true(ish), based on your studies as a pastor and your year as an atheist, which sect of Christianity do you think has the most biblical support? Still Adventism? Why or why not?
It depends on what you mean by Christianity. Do you mean following Jesus or following the Bible?
I've followed how the atheist community embraced you, but is there anything happening on the believer side, hopefully something positive, maybe something less public, that you'd like to highlight or let us know about?
I had a very positive conversation with Rob Bell the other day. Then again, many Christians don't consider him a Christian either. :)
I've had a couple good conversation with John Christy (see My Week In Atheism documentary). But my best interactions with believers have been my close personal friends who also have many of the same doubts but still believe.
Do you find yourself shaking your head at parts of the theology you used to believe? Do new things continue to come up? For me, it took about ten years to realize the Eucharist was a cannibalistic ritual. I never looked at it that way as a church goer.
Interesting you say that about the Eucharist. In the first century the Roman culture called Christians cannibals and atheists, actually.
I do sometimes shake my head. Mostly at the mental gymnastics I went through to make some things make sense in the modern world.
I caught one of your interviews awhile back on NPR- fascinating. Many atheists lean heavily on philosophy for wisdom. Do you have a favorite philosopher past or present that you would like to share? Has it changed recently?
I have a lot of favorites. I think the one philosopher that helped me the most this year is Ludwig Feuerbach. I haven't even read all of his stuff but he was really the first to suggest that humans created God and not the other way around.
I've also retained some favorites like the Jewish philosopher Emmanuel Levinas who argues that ethics precedes philosophy. I think this is an amazing idea and something that needs to be explored further.
And bacon?
After beer, believe it or not, but before YWG.
Up until this comment, I was actually thinking that you were Rob Bell, and I was like "Wow, Rob Bell is an athiest? That's crazy!"
After reading this comment, I realized that you're not Rob Bell, and that I actually know you. I toured as a bassist for the Cobalt Season and we played a show at your former church.
As someone who has walked a similar path, I'm still inspired by how Jesus taught people to love one another, but also see that most of this religion shit was created by humans for dubious purposes.
You have a very interesting story, and I'm glad that you're living the transition publically. There's a lot of value in that.
Dude, great to hear from you! You solved the riddle! :)
I believe you had said somewhere that you held beliefs that were in tension with you being an SDA pastor. Did you have those beliefs when you became a pastor or did you develop them later?
I developed them later. When I became a pastor I was very conservative. I think the LA Times article about me was pretty good in explaining that. I graduated from Weimar College (fundamentalist Adventist college) and went straight from there to be a pastor in Pennsylvania.
Do you plan to retain any of your SDA lifestyle habits - such as diet? By the way, you are one of the BRAVEST people I have ever heard of!
I haven't been a vegetarian for about 15 years. So it's been a while since I've been strict about it. I'd like to get back to being a vegetarian but for very different reasons that I was originally.
How's the movie coming along?
Very good! In fact, if you'd like to help us raise the money to finish the post production, please visit https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/a-year-without-god-the-documentary
do you still like big franks?
ew.
I haven't been able to read everything about your journey, but my main question is why?
I came to the end of my belief system. It didn't account for all the things I was experiencing. It just stopped making sense.
Do you believe Ellen G White was a prophet?
I used to. Then again, I used Ellen White's understanding of inspiration in Selected Message, vol 1, and the Introduction to the Great Controversy, to understand inspiration. After I was a pastor and studied it more, I never thought she was infallible.
Do you think science and faith could go hand in hand?
Depends on what you mean by faith, I guess. I don't see how you could believe in a conservative view of the Bible and science. Seventh-day Adventists are the perfect example of this. How can you believe the earth was created in 6 literal days and science?
What were your views on young-earth creationism throughout your upbringing and while you were a pastor?
Was creationism a factor in your doubts, or were things like church beliefs about LGBT a bigger factor? I know you've mentioned several times in interviews that your LGBT views were at odds with your church.
Sorry, I don't know much about Seventh Day Adventists. I grew up in a Calvary Chapel where they taught that Seventh Day Adventists weren't "true Christians."
In my childhood I took young earth creationism to be a given. I never questioned it. As I learned more I figured there was a way to reconcile the Bible and science. I never remember thinking that science was bad or dangerous.
Creationism vs. evolution was the second factor, along with LGBT issues, that led me out of the church.
What was your reaction, when viewed through that lens? How do you think your reaction would differ now?
I was in a defensive posture before. This past year I was in a learning posture. There's a huge difference between those two things!
Thank you for doing the AMA I have been watching your story for a long time now. What do you think needs to be done on both sides to allow them to get along, or do you think religion and the secular community can't get along?
I think that they can get along as certain points. The liberal religious community can have common cause with the secular community around religious liberty, ethical issues like LGBT equality and women' rights, etc.
By "lived a year as an atheist" do you simply mean you spent a year reflecting on your beliefs?
No, it's more than that. I actually crossed the line beyond belief. I lost my faith and spent a year exploring atheism and Christianity. I explore the arguments but also experientially lived into the atheist worldview. I wanted to stay in the question for a year.
What do you think is the best church for raising your kids if you value the community and moral teachings, but don't believe in religion? (I have not heard of an atheist "church" like this)
If you want Christianity I would say the Episcopal church in the US. Perhaps the United Church of Canada in Canada. Sunday Assembly is making a claim for that spot in the secular world in the United States. In the UK there is something called School of Life by Alain de Botton that is pretty awesome.
It appears church attendance in the US will continue to decline. Do you see a downside to this?
Not really, as long as there are movement to organize secular people to think seriously about ethics and the public good.
A regular criticism of atheists and atheist groups is that they are often too harsh in either their message, approach, and/or tone.
It's just like Christians. It just depends on the Christian/atheist. Many are what I would consider to harsh. Mostly because I think it's not a good strategy. most of the time I think people will hold on tighter to their beliefs the more they feel attacked.
They say an easy way to decide something is to flip a coin, in the moment before the coin hits, you'll find yourself hoping it lands one way or the other which tells you what you wanted all along. When you originally went public with the YWG, did you have a conclusion you were hoping for, either consciously or unconsciously?
Nicely worded question. I think I was hoping there would be a God. I had serious doubts but my wish would have been that there is a God.
Why do you choose to identify as atheist instead of agnostic? More specifically, what proof do you have that there is not a God (versus being neutral and not knowing either way).
Being an atheist is not about being able to prove there is no God. It simply means you don't believe in God. I've never met an atheist who believes you can prove there are no Gods.
was discontentment already growing before you started your year or did you just risk your faith?. by "discontentment" I mean the feeling that you stopped believing in god
The feeling of disbelief definitely started before YWG. It was something that was in the back of my mind for many years. It just got louder after I was forced to resign as a pastor.
Were your questioning regarding the church's positions part of what led to the breakdown of your marriage?
Nope. She was on the same page with me on that one.
What do you miss the most about being a pastor?
The moral platform it gave me to speak into the culture about things that matter to me. But I'm finding my voice now in the secular community. People need the same things, religious or non-religious.
Do you think the opposite could work - i.e. someone being an athiest goes to seminary and becomes a deacon/priest for a year?
Sure, I actually just (reluctantly) bought a book about that. I don't know if I'll ever read it, but the think you suggest is possible. The world of belief and unbelief is far more complicated than it seems. When you arrive at new understanding it's so hard to understand how everyone else doesn't see the world like you do.
Prior to living as an atheist, were you completely devout, or was there already doubt in your mind to God's existence?
Already doubt. For quite a while it had been growing in a variety of ways.
I'm an Atheist, but how the hell do you go from having a strong belief to ignoring it? And somehow changing your mind. Like do you just tell yourself every day "OK I'm NOT going to believe in god today.". How does that work?
No. It's more like I gradually lost my faith, I came to the line between faith and unbelief, and decided to spend a year crossing the line.
Although you no longer are SDA, do you still hold onto any of your Christian beliefs? Particularly, has your change in spiritual beliefs caused any changes to moral beliefs?
No, my moral beliefs have not changed except in regard to their origins. I think people develop their morality from the process of human evolution and social interactions. But my views about what is right and wrong have largely stayed the same. Perhaps in the are of sexuality I'm more libertarian.
Thats what I would personally call self-reflection. What was the significance of 1 year specifically?
It was a bit arbitrary, but it felt like a long enough period of time to seriously consider the issues.
I'm a bit confused by what you mean by 'living as an atheist'. Other than just not partaking in religious activities, what did you do to live as an atheist? Especially in those first months, when (I assume) you still believed in God.
It was more about mentally putting myself in the place of an atheist. I had come to the point where I seriously questioned the existence of God. So I would liken it to the place that everyone approaches when they've been religious and are now atheist. There came a point when they crossed a line--where they said, I don't think I believe anymore, but I'm not sure. That's where I started the year.
What has been the most difficult part about having your journey closely watched and scrutinized by not only both the atheist and christian communities, but also the media?
Also, how do you take your coffee?
I think it's been the time it's taken away from my studying.
If it's good I take it black. Starbucks, a little cream and sugar.
Reading a book of prose which supports a perspective you disagree with is hard! I'm really impressed you read all those books whilst you were still a believer! Reading the Bible is as an atheist is basically like reading fables. The Bible felt like Aesop to me. I didn't have to scream at the page or stop and shake my head at any point, because I had in my head it was fiction. I would imagine reading Hitchins would be a radically different experience for a Theist. I could never slough through a Bill O'Reilly or Ann Coulter book, I'm impressed when anyone even tries to do something like that. I'm curious, did reading those books effect your outlook at all or was it more just something you read to better understand the opposition?
Well, during the YWG it definitely effected my outlook.
In this modern, social media age, we can self-select the information we consume, so we have to go out of our way to read or hear views that differ with those we currently hold. I think everyone should do that, no matter where the stand on a particular issue.
Thank for your answer Ryan. Would you mind sharing the book?
that's a great point. Slowly but surely, truth begets truth
That should read "freethought" not "forethought"
Do you think science has an answer for everything?
Not at all. I think science has the potential to discover the answers to all the things there are observable. But there are many things, like our emotional lives, our experiences and our relationships that are not reducible to the hard sciences. Even psychology is not considered a "science" in the same way as physics or chemistry.