Sarah Noel Colonna is an American stand-up comedian, actress, and comedy writer. She appeared as a roundtable regular on the hit E! cable TV network comedy/talk show Chelsea Lately.
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HI guys! Thank you for joining me, that was so much fun. Great questions. I'm finished now, maybe I'll do a new one soon! My one hour special "I can't feel my legs" premieres on Itunes Friday 23rd, and Hulu/Amazon Tuesday 27th. I headline clubs across the country, have 2 bestselling books and was a writer/regular on "Chelsea Lately"
I ordered your book through your fiances recommendation and I can't remember the last time I laughed as hard as I did while reading a book. Being from Seattle and just moving down to San Diego, I hope you do a show down here sometime soon.
Who wears the pants in yours and Jons relationship? Also how does it feel being engaged to a Canadian?
thank you so much! I hope to perform in SD soon, I love the American Comedy Co!. I definitely wear the pants, just don't tell him I said that. Canadians are incredibly nice, so I'm trying to get used to that. It's so confusing!
But seriously... HAS anyone seen your pants?
not as of today, I have put out an APB.
Hey Sarah! I am an aspiring writer, specifically comedy. It's my dream to work on a talk show or sitcom platform and I was wondering how you got to where you are? How did you get to work on Chelsea lately?
hi! I moved to California to pursue stand up/writing/acting. I started doing open mics and sort of fumbling my way through learning the ropes and meeting people, so I met Chelsea that way. Eventually when she got her show, a lot of comics got the chance to be on the panel, as they had a scout out at comedy clubs. So when I got that chance, luckily it went really well and I became a regular...about 6 months after that they hired me as a writer. That's a long story kind of short, ha...but I would say persistence is what got me to finally get to hang up my bartending pants!
Given Jon's success in the NFC championship game, is there any chance Russell's job is not safe?
I feel like it's likely one day Jon will just play all of the positions
What is your advice given to comedians who struggle with finding the right timing? I've tried telling the jokes different ways to the same people, but once they know the punchline is coming, it's hard to gauge a sincere response due to the change the second or third time.
One thing I did that really helped me, was voice record myself when I would perform. It really helps you hear where you are maybe not getting to the point fast enough, or losing the audience. It can be hard to listen to yourself, but I recommend it! haha
Which Angels player is the most handsome? Also, what's your favorite moment from being a fan of the team, outside of the world series?
Hmmmmm...I guess CJ Wilson is super handsome because he has a hair commercial so he must be? My favorite moment of being a fan is probably the first time I got to do down to the field. As an adult, I still really nerded out being down touching the grass at the Big A
Thanks for the advice! I'll give this a shot.
you got it! Best of luck and just don't give up on yourself
I love your books and your comedy, you've been an inspiration. I'm so excited for your special! What books make you laugh?
Thank you so much! I love David Sedaris' books so much. Also, a book called "Apathy and other small victories" is one of the funniest I've ever read. I believe the author was Paul Nielan, and he needs to write more books!
Hi Sarah, been an fan of yours for about 6 years now and you have changed my life and made me a more confident, better person so thank you for being a great role model. Turning 21 in two months can I drink with you and the fabulous Jon Ryan sometime? Good luck to you two
Ah, I love this! Thank you! You can totally drink with us, Jon will buy.
Hi, Sarah! My family was also station in Wiesbaden, Germany (before I was born). How long did you live there and do you have any memories of it?
oh that's awesome! (Hi Rose). I was only there about two years after I was born, and I have no memories of it. I wish I did!
Excellent, that will tide me over until your special comes out :)
thank you! I'm so excited for it to come out, hope you enjoy it!
Given the political and socio-economic climate in the Middle East, should we keep our forces in Afghanistan? (Im kidding. Any plans for a new podcast?)
oh well I had a whole answer ready! (not really). I am working on a new podcast, hoping to have it up soon and I'll definitely let you know
Sarah, I've meet you a few times in Chicago and you've always been so nice & signed our previous pictures from the previous stand up. Both of your books are so great and so funny I need to know if there's a third in the works?
Ps for what it's worth when I happened to meet Jon he was so nice and kind. Even took a picture with me when he didn't have to. Stand up guy.
thank you! I appreciate you coming to my shows and reading my books. That's how I stay employed, ha! I am definitely hoping to right a third, I haven't figured out what it would be yet but as soon as I do I plan to get going. And yeah...Jon's not so bad...!
Whats your favorite thing that you've gotten to do that you might not have gotten to do have you not had this amazing career you've had so far? Also, any advice for someone wishing to give standup a try? I live close to nashville and the zanies there occasionally has open mic, I'm nervous but many people have said i should give it a try. - Ethan From Kentucky
Hey Ethan!!! My favorite thing is probably all the travel, even though at times it can be exhausting, I've gotten to see so many parts of the country I never would have. Plus internationally, like going to Australia and getting paid for it.
My advice would be that if you really do want to do it, you should go do the open mic. If you really love it, you'll know!
Hi Sarah, is the one-hour special the one you recorded in NoHo?
Can you invite me to your wedding? I'll pay for airfare AND bring a nice gift!
P.S. I love that you still reply to tweets. :)
Okay how big is the gift?
I loved your podcast with Josh, Off the rails, any chance there will be any more episodes?
unfortunately, he and I couldn't get our schedules to sync anymore to keep doing it. It sucks, we both loved doing it. BUT Josh started a new one called "Fairly Normal" and I am working with a studio to start my own as well. So we are still here! Just not together
I know that you're a baseball fan, so are you rooting for anyone in the postseason?
Also, I really enjoyed your book. It made me feel okay about being single. Thank you!
Thank you! Nothing makes me happier than hearing that my book made someone feel normal, or that they related to it. My fiance is a Blue Jays fan, so I would like to see him happy I guess? I was kind of pulling for the Cubs for the fact they've suffered so long...but it's not looking great now. Ugh.
Hi Sarah! Who can hold their alcohol better, you or Jon? And what would you say is your preferred drink of choice? Jon's too?
You rock, can't wait to see you in Tacoma!
I would say it's a tie, but he would probably say he holds it better. I prefer a vodka/soda with a lemon (keep your damn lime away). And Jon truly loves a mimosa. See you in Tacoma! Say hi after the show!
Can you please whisper in my ear who Mr. MLB player in your book is? I won't tell anyone, I swear!
Oh, okay...wait you almost got me! I'll take that one to my grave.
Is Jon Ryan the greatest punter of all time? Or, simply, a GREAT punter?
Congrats on the special, looking forward to catching it on HULU!
He's pretty damn amazing, that's for sure. I assume by the time he retires he'll hold the greatest of all time title. Ha. Thank you! I hope you enjoy it!
Read your book. Loved your book. Go Eagles. Sorry-not-sorry-suck-it Jon.
When winning a Literary Death Match, does the victory taste even sweeter when you know it was truly, genuinely, hard-fought?
What was going through your mind during those intense mental jousts with your competitors?
I love you for loving my book. What are the Eagles?
It's very intense, knowing you can walk away with that title, but then they don't let you keep a big trophy and it's like what was the point
As a fan, I want to thank you for how interactive you are with us. Seriously, I love it. I want to ask do you ever recognize fans at shows that you've interacted with? My best friend and I got the chance to talk with you and Jon after a show at the Parlor in Bellevue last season right before we played the Panthers in the playoffs, and it made our year. (PS, hi from the pair of Beccas!)
Hey girl! And thank you. I do love interacting, it kind of makes the whole thing worth it. I have actually recognized people after a show, but sometimes I can' just off the face (twitter pics are so small), but then they'll tell me something they said and I'll remember the conversation. I love when that happens. And thanks for coming to Parlor!
What do you write about? What's been on your mind, lately? Favorite "Eh, I'm hungry enough to eat." meal?
I don't know cause now I'm just hungry too
Sarah I have an awesome ROMCOM script/storyline of 7 gals that go on vacation to Nashville. A female version of The Hangover. Our 4-day weekend was so crazy and fun our friends back home did not believe us but we have pictures to back up our stories. I'm serious I could not make this shit up. It really happened!! Did I mention 7 girls, music, alcohol and guys (nothing X rated - all in good fun). My question is since I'm not an agent, producer, editor etc. how do I introduce myself to the proper persons and turn this into a great movie? Thanks for any advice
that sounds like an awesome story! Love it. I wish I knew the answer, I still am trying to figure out how this all works, ha. I would say try to look up some agents who might be looking for scripts and send them. Can't hurt!
What have been some of the driving factors that continue to push you to build your career and create better job opportunities for yourself in the entertainment industry?
definitely the love of what I do. I never want to be complacent or settle. Also I don't want to have to bartend ever again. Haha
Hi Sarah! I love reading your books and seeing your standup. I just moved to Houston and I was wondering if there is any chance you would do a show here? If you do first drink is on me.
thank you so much! I hope to. I was supposed to be at the Improv once last year but it got moved, and hasn't been rebooked. Hopefully soon though! I like drinks
Awesome! I can't wait to see it. I've been anxiously awaiting its hilarious arrival.
thank you, Dax!
If you HAD to write your own online dating profile (and thankfully you don't because Jon is awesome) how would you summarize yourself in a few sentences? #NotParaUno
"Just a really nice girl with a really swell agent."
Random question: If you were forced to would you rather fight 20 duck sized Jen Kirkmans or one Jen Kirkman sized duck?
she's pretty scrappy, I think maybe the one jen kirkman sized duck? Cause 20 of anything sounds scary.
Have you made any headway with Liam Neeson?
no he won't reply to my tweets, mainly because he doesn't have a twitter
For sure for sure, they shoulda let you keep the belt. #stupidvelourjacket
Do you like Miracle Whip or regular mayonaise better? Do you have a mustard preference when it comes to sandwiches?
regular Mayonnaise. Miracle Whip is for crazy people. I prefer a regular yellow mustard, but I won't kick a Dijon out of bed.
how does the getting an agent to represent you thing go? Do you go to them looking for representation or do they come to you?
a little of both, really.
How pissed are you that Tom Hanks didn't get an Oscar nomination for Captain Phillips?
How pissed are you that I just reminded you of it?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS, I WAS HAVING A NICE TIME
Dispel for everyone else Sarah, the myth that comics just go up there and riff and also is it harder to stay fresh with so much stuff getting lifted thanks to social media?
I definitely don't think many of us just go up and riff all the time...maybe when you're trying something new, but for the most part when you're headlining, people paid to see you and you get up there and deliver material you've been working on. For sure I put new stuff in, or work off the top of my head when interacting with the crowd, but it takes a while to build and get material to where you want it, so you have to have some things worked out. And yes, it's definitely hard, especially if you're working on something new and someone puts it on youtube before it's worked out. That sucks.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WORLD VASECTOMY DAY?
THAT'S A THING?
where do we go/how do we watch your standup special?
any upcoming TV appearances?
Forever praying you'll get to come back to Nashville some time! maybe if we keep tweeting them, they'll get the hint.
yeah tweet them! I love that club WTF. You can watch the special on Hulu or Amazon, Roku, etc. Hulu is the easiest I think (for you hahahahhaah)
would i joke about something so special?
I suppose not
When is your first album dropping? Not many artists can hit the notes you can, especially while doing other tasks like driving.
What's your favorite rap song, that you know the words to?
that's a really good question, I don't know why the music industry is shunning me. Hmmmmm- favorite rap song that I know the words to...probably **** You by Dre and Snoop. Lyrics I can't say here. Ha
In your professional opinion, who said the dumbest thing in 2015?
probably a Kardashian.
You used to tweet that you would only marry someone if they would let you walk down the aisle to various rap/hip hop songs (I recall Flo Rida) being one of them.
Have you and Jon decided on one yet???
Good memory! He has agreed that I can even walk down to TI "Whatever you Like" if I want. Now I just need to run it past my mom.
Can you please be casted on WAGS next season? Please take Olivia's place? And Gisele (your homegirl) can take Natalie's place?
But for realzies, if you were casted on WAGS, who would you pick to be the other 4 wives/gf's on the show with you?
OMG imagine me and Gisele just hanging...I mean I imagine it all the time. I don't know who I'd pick?! I don't know too many of them, but whoever Marshawn is dating I would want to have on the show so I could be around them both ALL THE TIME
Have you performed any shows in the United Kingdom? I think your style of comedy would go down really well over here.
I have but it was almost 8 years ago. I actually got a great tip from a local before I went on, reminding me that to the crowd there, I have an accent, so be sure to keep that in mind. It did go over really well there, which is a huge compliment because I do love the UK sense of humor
So I know you're coming to the Dallas area the weekend of Halloween, and that's also the weekend that the Seahawks play the Cowboys...any chance John will be able to make it to any of your shows?
I don't think he will be able to, I'm off on the Saturday night which is Halloween, and that's when they'll get in (or late friday but too late to make my show). But I'll make it to his game, ha.
Can you introduce me to Jimmy Graham? He's so dreamy and a fellow ging!
he's awesome! We can be ginger dating twinsies
What do you use for your hair?
Unite Boing Cream. I swear I get asked this a lot, can I get like a commercial or something? Haaaaa
Her Tacoma dates are also the same weekend as a Seahawks home game. It's almost like she's scheduling tour dates to have the ability to go to games....hmmm.
Hi Sarah! Love your books and stand up - so hysterically relatable.
Which fellow comedian friend(s) makes you laugh the hardest/most?
thank you so much! "Relatable" is honestly the best compliment you can give me (well other than "hysterical"). Jen Kirkman and Chris Franjola are two of my comedy friends that I'm always in awe of when I see perform. So funny. Tig Notaro also kills me!
Are you and Josh on different paths now that he's doing his TV thing? And will you rejoin him on Fairly normal. I miss you two together. There's a unique chemistry that's hard to reproduce?
thank you so much. I agree, we had so much fun doing that podcast together and I do hear a lot we had that chemistry. It's just been hard to schedule a day or night we can both do it and we didn't want to become inconsistent. So he's doing Fairly Normal for now and I'm working on setting one up myself. I'll totally join him as s guest though!
When are you coming to San Jose Improv? And when you do please take Jon with you.
I've never done that club but would love it. Bombard them with letters, request I'm there in the off season, and I'll make Jon join me. Ha
whats the most important life lesson you've learned so far?
that you can't be happy until you're comfortable with who you are.
Sarah, I hate that I have to ask you a question because really I just want to compliment you and tell you you're a fantastic comedienne.
Um, question... is there anywhere you want to perform that you haven't gotten a chance to yet?
hey that's okay because you managed to do both! Thank you so much. I think I've performed in almost every state, and also Australia and London. But maybe venue wise, I would say...I got to open for Chelsea at Radio City, and I hope one day I can go back and perform there on my own. For now I'm in clubs but I'll get there!
What did you love most about filming your special?
That's such a great question. I was so nervous, as it was my first one hour. But I think the best part was walking off and realizing that I've really grown as a comic, have a lot of material about many different subjects, and (kind of) feel like I know what I'm doing now.
oh and also the friends that came to it, that have been supporting me as a comic since I started. That was pretty great.
Aside from Jen, is there anyone else from the CL crew you still regularly hang out with?
yes! Franjola, Fortune, Heather the most. We all really stay in touch but I see those 4 the most.
What is your favourite song right now? Who is your favorite artist? What is your favourite type of weed? I'm a Canadian who married an American & adopted a baby in Oklahoma & weready going back to Canada! I have been a huge fan for years! Thank you for being a great role model especially for young women! Can we please be best friends since we have so much in common?
I'm obsessed with "Want to want me" by Jason Derulo. I play it on a loop. I'm not really a pot person, it makes me just sit and stare at people or laugh at them, which eventually makes them mad. We can totally be BFFs. You buy the first round!
Who was the weirdest guest or round-table panellist you met on Chelsea Lately?
I would say David Hasselhoff, but not in a rude way...he's fantastically "weird," if that makes any sense? I thought he was aesome.
Do you feel there's an unspoken expectation as a female performer that you have to make a lot of "sex" jokes. I know it's an old stereotype but it's very much like when black comedians would riff about how blacks and whites are different. Do you feel any pressure to be "empowered" or to be vocal about #girlpower and all that?
I know what you mean. I think it became expected, then now hopefully it's turning more that people aren't putting it into a male vs female thing (though many still do). If I talk about sex, it's a real story going on in my life or around me, so I try to just stay honest on stage, that way I never feel pressure. If that makes sense?
When will the third book come out? I love them. And they always make for a great christmas gift for my sister.
thank you so much! I haven't started a third yet, but definitely plan to!
Sarah, I absolutely loved your book! Exactly what I love to read in my spare time. And congratulations on your engagement (and GORGEOUS ring! Feel free to share more bling pictures!) Do you have plans to perform in Boston any time soon and plans for another book?
thank you so much! I hope to perform there, I never have just on my own, only with the Comedians of CL. Hopefully I get booked there soon...and I do plan to write another book!
As a creative person competing with all this digital, never ending distractions, is it a challenge to stay relevant particularly when the general public's likes and dislikes are so ephemeral. That's not an insult as to it is a commentary on the way we consume media and entertainment. Nevertheless it's seems as though as creative people, we constantly struggle to keep people "interested." Agree or disagree?
I totally agree, 100 percent. It's a struggle, and I long for the days when if someone didn't like something, they just didn't watch/purchase, instead of having access to go say awful things to them. Ha,