Tim Ross (2014)

lol

No but some people call me that and I do lick assholes

Yes I'm very poor.

It all depends honestly. Sometimes you'll work on an entire new five minute chunk and work it in. Sometimes you can't seem to write anything for a while. It comes and goes really.

Ya do you want tacos

Lmao Obie is the truth man

I've only done shows at colleges a few times. I'd imagine he's correct but I don't really do any stuff that crosses the line so I couldn't give you an accurate answer.

no but you should listen to Run The Jewels they're dope af

sup you wanna hang out?

girls be proud of ur butts

The Clown Joke: here's an example I found on a website:

Bob the bum has always wanted to go to the circus, but he, being a bum in a long line of bums, has never been able to afford it. Finally one night a group of Bob’s friends (other bums) see that the circus is in town and pool their collected change in order buy a circus ticket and out of crude asshole humor decide to go without Bob who is passed out in an alley. (Hey, they’re bums what do you expect.) So then they come back laughing like middle school girls and when Bob asks what’s up, they let him know what they did and told him how great the circus was. Bob, seeing one of his own precious life dreams being ridiculed by those he once thought his only friends and family, gets extremely angry and being unable to cope with his anger drinks himself into oblivious and passes out in an alley (Hey, he’s a bum.)

Well the next day Bob has to come to terms with his life and the cruel world he lives in. He decides the only way he can live with himself is to show everyone who has doubted him and achieve his dream – going to the circus. So Bob cleans himself up and 20 minutes of narrative later, Bob has purchased a ticket to next years circus and is inside.

So Bob watches the circus and it is fabulous! He loves every minute of it. And finally the final act everyone has been waiting for – The Clown! The crowd goes silent as The Clown steps into the ring and asks for a volunteer. The spotlight zooms over the crowd and finally lands on one man, Bob. Bob stands up, in a slight haze of joy.
The Clown then asks him,”Sir, are you a horse’s hoof?”
Bob (smile on face): No.
Clown: “Sir, are you a horse’s head?”
Bob (Pause): No.
Clown: “Then you sir – must be --, --, a Horses ASS!!” (Now teller of joke has to immediately move on so audience doesn’t think this is the punchline.)

So the crowd bursts out laughing. Parents, kids, circus freaks, everyone is standing and laughing at Bob. Needless to say – Bob is pissed! He finally achieved something and actually worked for it (Important since he is from a family of bums) and now it is thrown back in his face. More story is narrated, and once again Bob passes out in an alley. (He’s a bum, remember?)

So then next morning Bob wakes up and decides the only way to live with himself is to get even with that clown – to redeem himself by enacting the ultimate form of revenge upon the clown which hurt him so. To further this end Bob gets more jobs, enrolls in martial arts and once a master of the physical realm enrolls in insult school where he learns all different forms of insults in every culture and for every occasion – including the very special art of Comebackery.

Narration continues for a minimum of 20 minutes describing all the steps Bob takes and how Bob begins to formulate a plan for ultimate revenge on the clown. During this time Bob has worked himself off the streets and his hatred burning within him has driven him to success in other areas. Finally it is time for the circus again. Bob has the first ticket and is first in the tent. He now meditates, going over his plan for ultimate revenge in careful detail in his head – over and over. The circus acts go by in a flash for meditating Bob and finally The Clown steps out. The crowd is excited – full of energy. Here is The Clown. The Clown asks for a volunteer. Once again the spotlight goes over the crowd, and lands on Bob. Bob stands up (completely buff now, a true badass). The clown repeats the lines of his joke, ending of course with “You sir, are a horse’s Ass”. Except this time…

The crowd is about to laugh except their laughter is stifled by the anger and hatred emanating from Bob. The tent is dead silent. Bob raises his right arm and points at The Clown. In an entirely calm cool state he looks The Clown directly in the eye, ready for this moment of self redemption he has worked so hard toward – prepared to unleash the ultimate insult upon this clown. He takes a small breath and says ….

Fuck you, Clown.

I only l leanred to paint like 10 things and they gave me a show truth is I was high as fuck bro

Thank you! I've said a toooooooooon about it. I think the perspective of /r/funny is ludicrous and also people can be very mean there it's a pretty frustrating community.

When I first started I would sit down with a topic and just write everything I could on the topic. Lately I've got a bit of a framework and I'll go on stage and try to play around in it and riff and talk to the crowd a good bit.

Sometimes girls will express interest and be like oh you were funny haha lets get drunk but then they find out how weird and unfunny i am off stage and usually go home and use their vibrator

no i have the beard for me and me alone and maybe girls

I think I would be writing a bad novel or trying to be a funny twitch streamer.

Thank you so much!

Anything that is like "chocolate with chocolate bits of chocolate getting fucked in the ass by chocolate"

I'm just weird with pretty girlz

ya i got cooler and get bitches it's prolly all the extra swag

I mostly write things down in the notes in my phone and then I'll pace around trying to figure it out. It involves a lot of talking to myself and talking into a shampoo bottle in the shower.

just a dude wanna get lunch

I dunno maybe 9gag or somethin. I have no clue of where I would be so obnoxious and post all the time. I appreciate that and I also hope so.

Oh there's a handful of them I'll break out for fun just to see if the crowd comes along. One of my personal faves is "growing up I always thought the red sea was the final book in the scarlet letter trilogy"

Thanks!

ya

thanks a lot if you want to get over your shyness just before you go on stage listen to waka flocka flame he's hype af

Doing a bunch of side quests now but WORKIN on Theives Guild

girls be proud of ur butts

I had to go to the hospital for high blood pressure now I don't have anything with bacon in it

its ur butt <3

I just went to an open mic and signed up. That's what you gotta do!

Tommy Boy was huge for me. It was a fat dude being absolutely silly and hilarious. I remember telling my 7th grade class when I grew up I wanted to be like Chris Farley and they all laughed at me. So I suppose that was a good start.

I'm usually just silly with them. You very rarely get malicious hecklers. Just drunk people trying to be a part of the show most of the time.

what are the quad cities

yes 100%%%%%

Oh no that guy is a weirdo and jokes are always evolving.

Thanks man! Yeah honestly just write five minutes of jokes and just sign up for an open mic.

And then go to open mics over and over and over and over and try to get better and try to avoid depression i'm on prozac that seems to help

I dunno if you noticed the nobody part in the title

Man I love so many comics and it's hard to pick a favorite. How about this instead. If you haven't heard of Michael Che yet you should check him out. Saw him at Oddball this year and he's fuckin hysterical.

dont shave ur face

It is you and it's because tell me how my ass tastes

hopefully february

Thanks! I was recently at Mojos for a weekend really cool spot. I don't have a ton of hobbies. I love video games. I started a new Skyrim character this week. A stealthy khajit if you're wondering.

1. Nah I love it. It can be a pain in the ass but I love it.

2. I would have written funnier bits that would have been good.

3. Three Years and some months now.

4. Very I live with my mom she's dope af

Not for a little bit. Pittsburgh's comedy scene is surprisingly pretty awesome. I really like it here. And it all depends. I've middled a bit on the road. My energy isn't really ideal for an MC so that's a tough spot for me but I've done it a fair amount.

Honestly my favorite is every time a heckler at a small show gets shut down and then he's outside trying to rationalize his behavior. One time my friend Robert X shut down this heckler and then stood outside lecturing the guy for like 20 minutes. It was pretty fuckin great.

come to arcade comedy theater tonight at 10 pm

something with capicola on it man i love that shit